When thinking about family unity and closeness, I like to examine what the opposite of that might look like...having your children focused on the outside of the family...peer dependence, everyone going in different directions without much time for reconnecting. The family should be a safe base where they are welcomed and refreshed, a place they want to return to rather than run from.
Some of the ways we do this is by...
1. simply doing activites together. This can be as complicated as camping or as simple as a regular game night. Anything that can intentionally get everyone doing an activity together...even working out in the yard, washing the car, cleaning the house.
Camping will develop a comraderie among people working together, playing together and spending uninterrupted time together. I suggest first doing it with just your own family several times before inviting other families. This will keep your children close to you rather than off with other children. It also allows your family to pitch in together doing all the things that have to be done while camping. We use two tents. We set up tents together, cook together and clean up together and take down the tents together.
Playing games together is not so much for the fun of it, but, depending on the game, it can allow you a peek into your children's heart. When we have some children involved in sports at different times of the year (basketball or soccer), we all attend the games as a family. We support each other as a unit. The exception is when someone is out of town.
2. homeschooling. This is much more than teaching reading, writing and arithmetic...homeschooling is discipleship. It is teaching life skills. It minimizes peer dependence and promotes family closeness. It encourages bonding among the siblings, acceptance of different ages and abilites, and a degree of family centerdness that is hard to come by otherwise.
3. a regular time of family prayer and bible study. Sharing needs with one another, having prayer requests we are all seeking God about brings a closeness with each other. Rejoicing in our circumstances together, praying for missionaries around the world, sharing answered prayers...all of these things help us to be a more united family.
4. having inside jokes. All families have their little inside jokes, but it bears mentioning that these things create bonds that are easy to underestimate. The same with having traditions. Do you have a special place you go to celebrate something? A special meal for birthdays?
5. observing the Lord's table with your family.We do this from time to time before a meal and we set a place at the table for Jesus. God originated the practice of a covenant meal at the Passover feast in the homes (led by the father) of the children of Israel. Jesus, Himself, observed it in a home (Matthew 26). It was designed for families even though most churches do it corporately today.
It allows us to be of one accord. Sin will separate you from God and will separate you from the people affected. The power of sin is in its secrecy. Therefore, when we come together for the Lord's table, we confess to one another wrongs we have commited against each other. Why do it in front of each other? What if only one person was hurt? Well, others in the family may have heard the offense or know about it and they need to know you have made things right. You don't want the other people in your family harboring resentment because of something you did to someone else. So, publicly (among your family) confess and ask forgiveness.
Keep a short sin account and clear things up quickly when they occur. I have witnessed an increased closeness as a result of confessing and forgiving. I need to humble myself more and be more open with my family about my own temptations and struggles. When the walls of sin are broken down there is a oneness.
Examples of broken oneness is Achan in the book of Joshua in the Old Testament and of Ananias and Sapphira in the book of Acts in the New Testament.
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